Monthly Archives: December 2014

Boyfriends & Girlfriends

Wow. I wish I could send this to people who I genuinely care about.


You see all the loved up people around you and find it just so adorable and cute. You want to be that girl that is the centre of attention of her man’s world. Someone that he would do anything for. You see the cute couples in the movies, or in real life, and it makes you feel lonely, or as if you are missing out on something special. You want to be taken care off. You want to be swept off your feet and totally spoilt. You look at them, and it makes you want to be in love, to be in a relationship, maybe you already are.

Listening to all those romantic and loved up tunes doesn’t make things any easier. You secretly wish you had a boyfriend, someone who would say those exact lyrics to you. You probably imagine it all happening in your head. Or maybe it…

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Posted by on December 15, 2014 in Uncategorized


2 years down.

Have you ever meandered through reveries of when you were younger especially through letters and notes? Where the volumes of your mind that you expressed in deep intimate conversations with a dear friend caught you by surprise? You just stare in awe at how gluttonous your mind was for the richness of meaning in the words you would exchange? Words that were diverse at so many levels; pensive and joyous, demure and profane, literal and metaphorical, rebellious and contained, heart-felt and spontaneous. I would be doing injustice to the real essence of the feeling if I am to limit it’s parameters to the aforementioned characteristics. But whatever word salad that was made, understated and of-the-moment it might be then, surely is the most prolific set of compilation that the younger you concocted. I suppose that’s as accurate as I can get to describing that awestruck moment.

I just faced that surreal rush after reviewing some 5000+ messages in a thread with an old friend. She is someone wise for her age and I, albeit love her far more now than I did then, lost that intellectual intimacy with her in the midst of the monotonous construct of routine life. The textual memorabilia pumped boluses of endorphins and pride in my veins at how beautiful our minds worked at questioning and rationalizing the “rebellion” to the questionably “accepted” norms. The myriad of ideas that we would weave together into a metaphorical fabric: one that’s not green but chartreuse, not apples but jonagold, not literature but robinsonade, not messages but word salad. I never realized how invariably genius an erratic young mind is. It induced that pat-on-back-feeling towards our 2 year younger selves for being so passionate in our conversations and re-instilled my buried respect for her genius.

But with every feeling of excitement, some negativity has to coexist whenever I decide to revisit. I shamed my present self for being so heedless over what ran my mind the whole day. The perceptions that home inside my head most of the time now, are invariably bound to emanate flat lines on the EEG if such technology (God forbid) were to develop. The fact, that I let the technological media control and eventually impede the impulses that would propagate the recesses of my mind shamed me into oblivion over who I really am. If you’re guilty of such vile superficiality as well, then ask yourself, why did we let the leash loose? Why did we conform to the trending ideas of small talk? And most importantly, why does it seem so exhausting to muse at the level, if not impossible.

I miss this. Time to hypertrophy the atrophied intellect.

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Posted by on December 3, 2014 in Uncategorized