Tangled.

As creatures of emotion, we have all homed two distinct realms inside our heart. The thing about the two realms is that both are entwined with each other like thin tendrils forming an indiscernible mesh. Our heart contains a such a mesh, that of crimson addictions and bloodied hopes, of varicose egos and throbbing rage, of warm infatuations and gushing lust; of perceived reality. It’s seeded in the fragile organ and shapes the very essence of our equally fragile nature.

Seems powerful, no? So many unstable elements conglomerated to form something so controlling? Indeed, we are controlled by these realms, in the most subtlest of ways do they resurface as our nature; and that’s when we are at our ugliest, the mesh seizes us by force, plunges us into intoxication and when it’s done exploiting us, it drags us through the thorns of regret. Eventually, when we come out of that high, we are unable to look at ourselves. Were the addictions, hopes, egos, rage, infatuations and lust that our heart instructed worth gambling our reality for?  Was it? No, it wasn’t worth a bit, yet we chose to be hapless at the hands of it. But then being the victims of the cause and effect, why are we simply blaming ourselves for being entrapped in this mesh? It’s strength was imminent! Our hearts were designed to home it! It was part of our FITRAH (core). So why do we blame ourselves for the consequences that befall us?

The answer is pretty simple, of course these attributions are innate, our hearts have been designed to homes this dirt. But we have also been given the Manual and the perfect sense to resist entangling ourselves in the said mesh. We have been warned of the blinding powers and the consequences these realms withhold. The Almighty up there has briefed us about everything. All the opportunities to avoid these temptations are at a foot’s length. But we avoid all possible means to seek refuge in our Savior’s teaching from the barbaric forces inside us.  The opportunity to seek Guidance (Qur’an) is lying as a scaffold for dust and mites for days in our shelves. The prayer mat has barely been unfolded on the floor and our foreheads have forgotten the cold, hard feel of the ground. Our ears have become a common path for shameful lyrics to meander through to our brain. Our tongues have been mediators of the most rancid conversations. Our hands have become locked by stinginess towards the needy. Our minds have become refuge to the most shameless of thoughts and our hearts? Oh our hearts have become the very prisoners of the mesh it was supposed to control.  And we? We are the ones who were supposed to lift ourselves towards grasping the opportunities to resist because we were AWARE.

Now, that we have let the reins lose on the mesh and let it ride us, we wail in despair of the retributions that we face as a result. And this doesn’t end here. We’ll be accompanied by these consequences to the grave and beyond. And we KNOW that. Still, ragged as we are, we don’t seek shelter in the last resort that we have to fix ourselves. Taken over by the idea of hopelessness, we find the final KEY to our eternal success of too miniscule value. We find ourselves at a loss and don’t turn to the key of REDEMPTION. At least, now let’s ponder and realize because it’s never too late. Redemption will only exhaust with our the the last breath. Let’s not wait for our souls to be dragged out of us and let it be that moment when we finally leave our perceived reality to embrace the much darker picture that awaits us.

Ya Allah, forgive me.