There are moments in your life where you feel so entangled in a mesh of oddities that you really lose your senses amidst all of it; and the worst bit of such situations is not knowing what to do. You feel like screaming but your voice-box plummets into silence, you want to run away but before even considering the possibility of it, the practical aspects of your life grab hold of you and chain you into stagnation. So you just sit, too exhausted to reflect, you just sit with a blank expression and stare in thin air. You sit and quietly absorb the reality of it all and wait for it to dissolve into nothingness.
What I’m writing about probably has not rationale, but it’s just a vomit of words that cannot be held in. When one is going through change, the changing attitudes of people around him, especially and unfortunately his loved ones, are quite a norm. If a girl dawns a hijab/niqaab and if, she “commits the mistake” of being from a household where it is not a normal practice, not only is she discouraged but mocked during the course of it. Sure, that girl isn’t perfect, but practicing the hijab, according to her relatives, friends and society, automatically programs in her an ideal, pristine personality that cannot be compromised upon. A slight portion of her chest or a strand of her hair shows and she is immediately furnished with mockery on how she “pretends to be so Islamic but look at what she’s doing now”. It’s scathing, and coming from your loved ones mouth, it particularly hurts. Often I’ve chided those who compare my every action with my scarf by saying that they’ve no right to judge me unless they do the hijab better than I do. But I’m immediately struck by the story of how Prophets bore far worse atrocities inflicted by their loved ones and yet exhibited immense patience and forgiveness. Heck, if my dad was to push me in fire and if I were to die, (Say I didn’t have that fire change into a bed flowers) I would have haunted him for eternity in the form of an ugly ghost. Perhaps a little more like this.
But you see that’s what made the likes of Hazrat Ibrahim (A.S) prophets and history makers; their sensibility, relentless hope and valor! Had revenge from people been a virtue, I wouldn’t have felt bad about mouthing myself off like this; no matter how true my words might seem. That’s exactly what Islam instills in us, to leave matters between us and Allah like we truly mean it. The negative judgement will strike you unabated and you will fall its prey every now and then. At times, you would just sit with a blank expression at events when your girlfriends show your hijab less pictures to boys and it would seem as if you’re making a “huge” deal when you condemn their actions. But all you can do is take lessons from it and tread forward with greater patience and caution.
I’m not saying that I’ve practiced it completely, in 3 out 5 instances I do let my temper loose and complicate the situation further. But as the wonderful Nouman Ali Khan taught me in his lectures, how can you give dawah to your loved ones when you’re going to talk back and give them all the more reasons to condemn you for doing the right thing? Hopefully, I’ll apply and be better at it. But If I feel rage over it, I’ll make sure to have a nice of spill of resentful posts on this page, like today! Wow I already feel better. Yay!
Fi Amaanillah! 🙂